Tuesday, November 8, 2011

thank you note.

During this month of thankful-thoughts, I've been reminded daily of all that I have to be thankful for. Here is a tiny list of things I am most thankful for today.

[1] My fiance´'s patient attitude. My life always has so much going on and I'm often happy, stressed, sad, and nervous all at the same time! My darling fiance´always puts up with my shifting moods and makes me feel so comforted and loved. Even when he just sits there- it's nice that there is someone who will just let me freak for a second and then go on as normal.

[2] Extended family. Though I really don't see my extended family as much as I'd like, they pop into my brain frequently. I'll remember random conversations, notes and moments and they've made me realize that all the little actions really do matter and are remembered.

[3] My relationship with Christ. This should actually be number 1. Through my different Bible classes and church services, I really questioned the meaning of my relationship with Christ this year. Was it so that I could get into heaven for free? Was it because I just knew that I should be saved cause everyone else said they were? Did I just accept Christ passively, then forget about it? I think the main reason I struggled so much this year was because I have an extremely strong conscious. I think that if I were still a lost sinner, I would still have these strong convictions because that is just the way I was wired. When I got down to the purpose of my relationship and really started to consider what was going on, I found the truth. I have a relationship with Christ because I need Him. Without Him, I cannot function. When I feel nervous, I pray. When I feel scared, I pray. When I feel excited and happy, I pray. When I feel confused, I pray. I don't find pleasure in praying alone, I find pleasure in the fact that I have a heavenly father who is willing to listen to me 24/7! Whether it's a five second sentence or an hour long prayer, or venting about something in my life that's really bothering me, He is there to listen! It's so exciting to know that whatever I'm going through He will help me through it, and He will listen to all I have to say as I go through it. It's so amazing that I can count on Him with my everything- and not worry about holding anything back.

[4] My jobs. My career went from 0-60 in about 1.2 months. I went from feeling incomplete and useless to almost over extended and anything but jobless. God provided at least 5 great jobs for me to choose from. He brought me the nicest employers, and the jobs are tailored to fit me. It's amazing. Timing is everything. Months ago I was searching for the same thing, but the timing just wasn't right. God knew that by this time my schedule would be free enough to work these jobs!

[5] Choices. I know it sounds silly, but every time I order a water or sweet tea, grab a coffee or even a glass of juice from the fridge, I consider how lucky I am. I'm totally aware that as an American, I have so many options and privileges that most other countries' citizens wouldn't dream of. Even though I've lived here my whole life, God has put a special burden, a special sense in my heart. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that when I go to a restaurant and have 35 + options to choose from, and we take it so lightly! People all over the earth don't even have one option for dinner, and we get angry when our favorite thing is discontinued on the menu. We are spoiled beyond belief. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with expensive indulgences, or even eating out for that matter. I eat out a lot, I buy expensive things. I just think it's important to live consciously. Be grateful for your blessings. Thank God that you have the opportunity to choose a steak off of a pricey menu. Thank God for those gorgeous $500 shoes you just purchased. He gave them to you! One of my focuses this year has been to not just focus on myself. Take a look across the street, across the globe, and try to put yourself in other people's shoes. I do this often. A little weird, and often people glare at me for staring at them, but it's humbling. Part of realizing who I want to be in the future, is understanding who I am today, reevaluating the characteristics I don't like, and changing them so that I won't be a person I dislike in the future.

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